I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
