if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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