this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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