Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
