I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
