Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
