I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
