I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
