batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
