Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
