Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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