there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
