he wants to bone in the snuggie
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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