ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
