I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
