his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
