I love having hate sex.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
