Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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