any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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