i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
