You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize