Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dignity is for republicans.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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