On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
