If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
