On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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