Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
