I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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