Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
