I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
