I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize