i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
