I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
