beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
