I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
