So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
