I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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