I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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