At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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