The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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