Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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