What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
