This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
