kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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