Cold hands, warm shart.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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