So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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