seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
