i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
