is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up backwards on a recliner
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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