Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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