I'm really into asian looking animals
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
