I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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