I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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