there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
