i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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