I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
