I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
