Need sex. Gaining weight.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize