Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My balls are so social today.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
