i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Bring me that man meat
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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