So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
