OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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