So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
