Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
