Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
