His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
