Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
