Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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