Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my liver is dry heaving
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
