There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
