A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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