It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
