it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
