I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
